Juice-day 19

Today is not a "proud" day for me on myjourney, but it has been a learning experience on the road of life and I must remember that. I put off blogging yesterday because I was feeling like a failure and didn't want to share. But, I will share, because that is the promise I made to myself, to be hanest and remain honest and know that I make mistakes but God still loves me all the same with the GREATEST of all love. He wraps His arms around me and consoles me. :) Here is my story of day 19:
1/3 qt watermelon
500 ml water
1 1/2 c camomile tea w/ honey
1 qt 8 in 1 greens (yuck, I don't like this brand, may be ok in a smoothie, I'll have to try later)
I went to Mom and Dad's to visit with Dad (he's bacheloring it for 2 weeks) and he offered me raspberry danish. I could have said many respoinses of "no" but I "didn't want to make him feel bad" (my little girl thing) and honestly used it as an excuse to really eat what my thoughts have been obsessively craving for the last several days. I ate :
1 1/2 pieces of raspberry danish
then I thought, "oh well I ate now", and ate:
1 hostess cup cake
2 fig newtons
1/2 c maccaroni salad
then I felt so guilty about eating that I purged it all.
Then I went home and did it again:
500 ml water
500 ml water
sugar wafers(at least 10)
chips and dip
roll w/ crean cheese
500 ml water
purged it all.....
Now what? Do I start from day 1,blah, blah, blah!!! No, I set new goals:
1. get a partner
2. DON'T beat myself up!! continue with the juice, it is still day 19.
3. rely on Jesus for strength and receive it from him!

Know what else, nothing was that good, no good taste, it was just the "act" of binging all that junk that has to be tied to personal self esteem. I was reading that personal self-esteem should be the 2nd priority in your life only 2nd to your relationship with God because without self-esteem, you can't give love and have prosperity in your other relationships and areas of your life. I can see this is very true for me!! My self-esteem is low and I tend to get "cocky" and try to fool myself that it is not.Well, that's my story for the day.
Peace and love until the next sunrise........................